Posts Tagged ‘growing up.’

The year of the butterfly

1 Corinthians 13:11: When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

A few weeks ago, I was looking at myself in the mirror and suddenly the realisation hit me, “you’re not a kid anymore you know Mavia, you’re an adult! You’re a, (ever so hesitantly), woman…”

For those of you who aren’t freaked out by this, I’ll let you in on something else, I was actually 23… only for a few more weeks though.

While looking myself in the mirror, that day I realised that all the time, I had been looking at myself sectionally rather than holistically. For example, If I were to look in the mirror, I’d look only at my face, or only at my chest etc., but not as a whole. I may have had all the adult parts, however, my baby facial features were always so hard to get over. I’ve often heard people make remarks like, “when I look at her I see an 8 year old,” or, “you’re 23?! I thought you were 12!” and these people are serious trust me.

I used to think that having this child-like look was a blessing as by the time i get to 50, I’d look 40 etc.  But I see now that this look is not only deceiving to others but also to myself. Let me elaborate:

  • Everywhere I’ve moved I’ve met people who seem to have this need to protect the “delicate little flower” that is me. Hence people always fought my battles for me to my own detriment as when aloneI couldn’t adequately defend myself.
  • I would be underestimated as to my capabilities and I would in turn underestimate myself.
  • I wouldn’t be taken seriously

But as my 24th birthday fast approaches, I have vowed to myself, not to project this childlike aura I seem to do. I hate change, but change can be good. They say you enter adulthood officially at 21, well I’m sorry, but I seemed to have missed it. So on January the 5th, I’m turning 21 again, symbolically, as I’m really turning 24.

I will change my speech, the way I hold myself, My appearance, the way I think and interact with others, I will defend myself, have an opinion, stop watching so much telly go back to reading more, develop my relationship with God and view the world as my oyster, rather than a jungle to hide in.

My 24th will be my “metamorphosis,” I hasten to add, not like our Mariah. Typically, the word metamorphorsis implies an abrupt change, however, if you notice, all animals, before going through this stage spend a period of time in its previous form, preparing for that change. Likewise, I have been preparing for the occurrence, reading, planning, reflecting, and practising.

Recent events have only confirmed my need for this change and I know you’ll agree when I say it’s time I grow up! Don’t worry, my values are still the same and I have not, “turned back” or “conformed,” I hate conformity. You’ll still recognise me, I’ll just be the grown up, more responsible me that you all still love.

So please join me as I celebrate my very late blossoming into an adult or symbolically a beautiful butterfly.

sin cera

Mavia

I am my own person.

I have been thinking for some time now about why I believe what I believe. Is it because I have seen the undeniable truth about the given subject through others’ experiences? experienced it myself? Read it some where and thought, ‘Oh… that makes sense!’ or did I come to the conclusion by some  deep and extensive exploration into the subject?

After thinking about this for some time and paying attention to how I come to certain conclusions and make decisions, I have realised that I believe what I believe because of  my up bringing. I never thought through my decisions based on me and what I want to do, I only did what I knew was expected of me.

This was not a bad thing as it cut down drastically on getting into trouble, however, I found that I could not defend me and my reasoning, because there was none, I also found that I did not have my own personality, our opinions on things. If someone would ask me about my thoughts on some controversial topic, boy, would I be torn. Therefore I made myself invisible. I figured, if I’m not noticed, I won’t be asked uncomfortable questions and people will have no reason to find me out. Not a good place to be.

Fast forward to the present, I have grown somewhat. As a result, I live by new rules. Those include only doing what I feel is right through God’s guidance and feel pressed to do, not on other people’s expectations of me.

After all, though we are one in the body of Christ, It is our individual talents and being that help us work so well together. This way I can defend what I believe and maybe bring someone to my way of think for once.